Do you think he is ready?  I was on a walk with a girlfriend of mine and sharing that since we are all on lock down, now would be a great time for the kids to take on-line driving school classes.  And she said, Oh, Zach too?  And when I said yes, she followed with, Do you think he is ready?  It is interesting how a word that we use all the time, that seems so uncomplicated, can be so mysterious at the same time.  I’m mean how does one determine readiness? I thought it would be interesting to reflect on this idea of readiness, and how we figure it out (or don’t).  But more importantly, how Zach can develop his own realization of readiness.  This is hard, because how do we really know?  I think the truth is that we really don’t know; we know that we don’t know.  

The truth to my friend’s question is, I don’t know.  But what I do know is if this decision can have any hope of determining, will it – or won’t it – work, is to jump in.  And the truth is some of our decisions don’t work, despite our best efforts.  And when they don’t work, how do we respond?  How do we orient ourselves with the real possibility that it might not work?  When Zach finished the class, and got his certificate, I suggested he go online and practice taking DMV tests.  When he felt ready, we would go to the DMV to get his permit.  And I left it at that.  But why did I feel this would work?  That HE was ready to make this evaluation of himself?  

Ok, let’s back up 6 months.  Zach was taking a multiple-choice portion of an on-line test.  Because of Corona, like everyone else, school was now on-line.  Sadly, Zach had a bad experience.  He was so consumed with when it had to be completed, that he completely bypassed this weird measuring-stick we seem to all have in our heads when it comes to, am I ready to take this test, that he flunked it.  Now, this is unusual for him.  He is generally a strong and responsible student, so when the reality of what happened sunk in, he was quite distraught.  A few months before this, Zach and I started experimenting with recording his thought process as a tool to help him digest, situations that were successful (why you think it worked), or confusing (what information do you think you are missing here), or disappointing (why do you think it didn’t work).  We kind of made a game out of it where I would have Zach in his present-self, talk to his past-self, and offer suggestions to his future-self.  We set up a note-taking app so he could access his reflections for future use, and organized them based on themes.  It yielded some very interesting conversations.  But more importantly, he was developing a sense of himself.  That he can figure things out.  And when the unfortunate moment arises, it is actually a gift; an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and our responses when struggling with uncertainty, the unknown, and those plaguing feelings of being unsure.  

So one day, Zach said he felt he was ready to go to the DMV on Thursday, and take the test.  I said ok.  When we got in the car I asked, So how do you know you’re ready?  He explained that he decided to practice until he wasn’t missing more than three questions per test.  And once he noticed that he was only missing one or two questions every time, he decided he was ready.  Makes sense to me.  So off we went, knowing that he may – or may not – pass.  But regardless of whether he passes or not, he would have felt what it means to be ready even when he can’t possibly be sure.  

(The picture below is after he passed is permit test.  He successfully got his license in April 2021).