There was a time when I did way too much for my son.  It really wasn’t a conscious thing.  It just sort of happened to us.  It is hard to explain, but it’s kind of like having a child who is getting older, but not really growing up; not really achieving steps toward authentic independence like I described in the previous post.   Of course, now it is clear why.  It’s like the switch just never really turned on, or at least, not to full power.  So that drive to “do it” for one’s self, to take on new challenges, to find the uncertain and the unpredictable a vast universe to explore, was cast aside for the familiar, for the routine, and the repetitive.  

 So my child never learned for himself a language.  He never learned how to connect with me, himself, or his world in exploratory ways that would enhance his growth.  It would seem that the very qualities that bring themselves to bare, so unique to the human mind and our capacity for free will and self determination, weren’t evolving for him.  This is very scary for a parent, because deep down we sense that without these qualities unique to the human mind, our baby will be perpetually dependent; relatively unable to self navigate, and to “pick up” life-learning in the easeful way of other children.  

But I wanted my son to experience that drive for learning as other children do.  I wanted him to experience the full depth and dimension of human thought, emotion, and connection.  I felt that if he could experience the same path as other children that his actions would take care of themselves.  I always observed that our behaviors actually reflect what is going on within us.  They are a reflection of our inner selves, not something to be controlled or manipulated.  If I could help him reconnect with the sensations of intrinsic motivation, to help him form a desire to, and an interest in, the magical uncertainty of life he would find his path in growing up.

                                                                                   And that is what lead me to RDI.  Once I discovered how to be the guide that he needed, everything changed.  Not quickly, but slowly like burring coals.  Because relationships take time to build, and it is through our relationships that we learn to grow.  I kind of think of it as building a pyramid.  That bottom layer, the foundation, takes a long time, energy, and resources, but once complete the next layer is easier; and so on, and so on. This is what child-rearing is.  As they grow up, they take on more for themselves; and I was finally getting to experience what I thought was lost. 

So eventually my son grew into the self taught child.  He learned for himself a language, because I learned how to design meaningful experiences that helped him discover what communication is; the emotion and experience sharing moments that are mutually explored between people.  He learned how to use us as guides to support him in successfully taking on new challenges.  In other words, he was starting to experience the path that we all share in our journey in discovering our very selves.  He has more learning to do (don’t we all), but he is on is way.  After all, it is about the journey, not the destination.  “Keep on growing up buddy.  You deserve it!”